if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
