my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
