I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
