And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
