My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
