3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
