So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize