I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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