Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
