I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
