he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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