Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
