I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
