yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
