i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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