Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
