Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
