Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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