I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
