the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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