so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
