i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize