If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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