i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
