dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
