I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize