Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize