WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
