I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
