im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
