It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
