i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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