I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
