some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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