I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
