I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Enjoy the penises
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
