I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I currently don't understand fingers.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
