We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
