My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
