If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
