Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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