shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
