they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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