I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
