Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize