So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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