he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
