Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Found the puke drawer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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