and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize