Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
