Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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