i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
