I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
