weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
