I think I died a long time ago.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's never too late to be topless.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
