great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
