im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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