We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
