Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
