i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
