she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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