I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
