We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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