So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
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