I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
