i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
