I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you never un-have a 4some
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
