you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize