I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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